2.2 What is subtle about social interaction?  (Page 23/26)

• The results of the study indicate that there are differences in college male and female affinity-seeking strategies. Significant differences were found on all but three of the twenty-five strategies, with distinct female-male patterns emerging for approximately half of them. The interpretation of these differences in terms of dominance/submissiveness, proactive/reactive or self-oriented/other-oriented continua, however, must be approached with caution. Females were more likely to ask questions and elicit others disclosures, to pay close attention and be responsive while listening, and to show sympathy and sensitivity toward the other's problems and anxieties.Males were more likely to present themselves as an important figure able to reward association with themselves. Both males and females were concerned with "looking good" to the other, with females more concerned with physical attractiveness and males with presenting an interesting self through who they are, where they've been and who they know. These findings appear to characterize females as reactive and other-oriented and males as proactive and self-oriented.
• Males, however, were more likely than females to complement the other, treat them like an important person and engage in self-concept confirmation, and to give assistance-such as getting a drink or taking the other's coat-or advice (altruism), strategies which, although perhaps the more proactive of those categorized by Bell and Daly as "concern and caring" (along with elicit other's disclosure, listening, supportiveness, and sensitivity) indicate other-orientation on the part of the males. Females indicated a greater likelihood of inclusion of other in their social activities and groups of friends, introducing him to her friends and making him feel that he belongs; males indicated greater likelihood of setting up encounters with the other person and of "putting [themselves] in a position to be invited to participate in [the other's]social activities" (self-inclusion). It is difficult to assess whether the essential element differentiating male and female responses on these strategies was the female focus on the other (inviting him along) and the male focus on himself (putting himself in a position to be invited) or the females active vs. the males reactive approach to initiating encounters with other friends. Similarly, females indicated they would avoid playing "one-upmanship" games and would assume equality while males indicated they would try to reinforce similarity by expressing views similar to the other's, agreeing with the other and avoiding behavior which might suggest differences. The goal of these strategies is similar. Both females and males appear to be concerned with the similarity/equality issue with the male-selected strategy somewhat more reactive.

What I find interesting is that you probably can only do a few things well in a social interaction, females tend to focus on doing some things, and males on others. Females showed sympathy and sensitivity and males tended to present themselves as an important figure. You could try to do both of those things, but I think clearly if you focused on one instead of the other you would present a more cohesive personality then if you tried to show that you did two different things with communication. The lesson there is that if you present one side, the message is going to be more clear for that side then if you tried to present multiple personalities, attitudes or characteristics. Males put more focus on putting himself in a position to be invited, while females made the other feel like they belong (inviting him along). The male response shows a greater interest in power, by treating the other like an important person and trying to reinforce similarity (this would get them in a position to be invited), while the females indicated they would avoid playing "one-upmanship" games and would assume equality (instead of the interest in power by the males). So what is learned from this is that there are styles of communication and interaction, while there are an endless number of things to pick from to say in a social situation, what you do pick is probably going to go along with your personality and how you present that personality and its characteristics to the world.