0.2 Sigmund freud  (Page 26/37)

In 1992, John Gray first published a very popular book entitled Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus. This book openly addresses the different ways in which men and women typically communicate and express their emotions. He offers practical advice on how men and women should react, or perhaps not react, to one another in everyday interactions. In his introduction to the paperback edition, Gray (2004) emphasizes how important it is not to try changing your partner. To expect members of the opposite sex to become more like yourself sends a message that they are not good enough as they are. He also notes that not all men or women will fall into the typical gender roles, so it is important not to stereotype. What is important, according to Gray, is that we recognize the general differences that exist between men and women and keep them in mind when we communicate with each other. If we can, then hopefully we can avoid conflicts that need not be inevitable. It might sound simple, but Gray clearly struck a chord in couples and individuals across America. He wrote numerous follow-up books, including Mars and Venus on a Date (1997) and the parenting guide Children are From Heaven (1999), each of which became #1 New York Times Bestsellers like the original. There is an interesting website (www.marsvenus.com), there are workshops and counseling centers based on Gray’s work, and workplace seminars based on Mars and Venus in the Workplace (2002). Clearly, relationship problems based on the differences between men and women are of great interest to people in our society today. As harshly as Freud has been criticized for his views on the differences between men and women, he was certainly on to something. Perhaps that’s part of the reason why even those who criticize Freud continue to talk about him.

More recently, Norah Vincent (2006) spent 18 months masquerading as a man, and then wrote about her experiences in Self-Made Man . Ms. Vincent spent a substantial amount of time working to look and act like a man. She consulted a professional make-up artist (especially to help with her “beard”), a voice coach, and a personal trainer to help her build muscle mass in her arms and shoulders. She even went to a sex shop and purchased a prosthetic penis, just to help make sure that her appearance was as convincing as possible. Using the name Ned, she then traveled around the country, to five different states, and attempted to pass for a man in a variety of settings. She played on a men’s bowling team, went to strip clubs with “other” men, spent time in a monastery, got a job as a salesman, and joined a men’s group. One of the most interesting aspects of her masquerade involved dating. Curiously, it was not really difficult for her to consider dating women, because she happens to be a lesbian. But she was not prepared for how often she would be rejected when trying to meet women! Maybe that’s why she wrote: “It was hard being a guy. Really hard.” In fact, she found the entire experience quite disturbing. As a woman, she had always been viewed as very masculine. But when pretending to be a man, she was seen as very effeminate. She felt that her masculinity was constantly being judged, both by men and women. And the constant pressure to be a “real man” was overwhelmingly stressful. As she concluded her book, talking about the camaraderie of the men on the bowling team, she observed that: