<< Chapter < Page Chapter >> Page >

Step one: skim the first seven or eight words.

The introduction of a novel thermal convection cell consisting of half a soap bubble heated at the equator enables the study of thermal convection and the movement of isolated vortices. Development of thermal convection at its equator is noted in the soap bubble, which is subject to stratification.

Step two: identify the main characters

The introduction of a novel thermal convection cell consisting of half a soap bubble heated at the equator enables the study of thermal convection and the movement of isolated vortices. Development of thermal convection at its equator is noted in the soap bubble , which is subject to stratification.

Step three: locate actions involving those characters

The introduction of a novel thermal convection cell consisting of half a soap bubble heated at the equator enables the study of thermal convection and the movement of isolated vortices. Development of thermal convection at its equator is noted in the soap bubble , which is subject to stratification.

Above, the main characters are hard to identify, buried among other nouns and not clearly emphasized as the “doers” of the actions.

Step four: organize your new subjects and verbs so that the actions are expressed in verbs.

Introductionbecomesto introduce

Developmentbecomesto develop

In the published version from which our less elegant example was derived, the main characters appear early and are described by the main verbs:

A novel thermal convection cell consisting of half a soap bubble heated at the equator is introduced to study thermal convection and the movement of isolated vortices. The soap bubble , subject to stratification, develops thermal convection at its equator” (Seychelles, F., et al.).

Naming a problem: nominalizations

Nominalizations are abstract nouns that are derived from either verbs or adjectives.

They often end in suffixes like -tion, -ment, -ence, among others. For example, calculation (from ‘to calculate’), finding (from ‘to find’), and dependent (from ‘to depend’) (Style 36).

Verb<Nominalization Adjective<Nominalization
DISCOVER<Discovery CARELESS<Carelessness
RESIST<Resistance DIFFERENT<Difference
REACT<Reaction PROFICIENT<Proficiency (see Style 36)

Your Turn:

As you read the following example, ask yourself:

  • How quickly are you able to identify characters and actions?
  • What makes it easy or difficult?

“There is disagreement among many experts about the utility of emissions cap-and-trade policies.”

Now notice how much easier it is to understand the sentence when we change the order of the main characters and verbs to read:

Experts [important character/”doer”] disagree [important verb] about whether emissions cap-and-trade policies [second important character] are useful.” [a verb and an adjective replace the nominalization “utility”]

Similarly, observe how it clarifies the sentence when we take a nominalization like:

“Our request [noun/nominalization] is [weaker verb] that you review the data.”

And change it to:

We [subject/character] request [stronger verb] that you review the data.”

The bottom line-writing for the reader

In order to make your sentences clear and easy to understand, align the main character and action with the main subject and verb.

The moral of the story is: Make sure readers get the story! Characters and actions should

occur early in the sentence. Whenever possible, character and action should correspond with subject and verb. Target and eliminate nominalizations to ensure precise, descriptive verbs, and highlight characters and actions to add impact and increase understanding.

Examples taken or adapted from:

  • “Atmospheric science: Jetting away.” Nature, Vol. 453, No. 7191. (1 May 2008): 5-5. doi:10.1038/453005c. Retrieved 5/6/2008 from (External Link)
  • Martel, J. and John D. Young. “From the Cover: Purported Nanobacteria in Human Blood as Calcium Carbonate Nanoparticles.” Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, Vol. 105, No. 14. (8 April 2008): 5549-5554. Retrieved 5/6/2008 from (External Link) .
  • Seychelles, F.,Y Amarouchene, M Bessafi, and H Kellay.“Thermal Convection and Emergence of Isolated Vortices in Soap Bubbles.” Physical Review Letters , Vol.100, No. 14. (2008). Retrieved 5/6/2008 from (External Link)&id=PRLTAO00100000014144501000001&idtype=cvips&gifs=yes
  • Williams, Joseph. Style: Ten Lessons in Clarity and Grace. 8th ed. New York: Longman,2005.
  • Williams, Joseph and Colomb, Gregory. The Craft of Argument . Concise Ed. New York: Longman, 2003.

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Source:  OpenStax, Three modules on clear writing style: an introduction to the craft of argument, by joseph m. williams and gregory colomb. OpenStax CNX. Jul 17, 2008 Download for free at http://cnx.org/content/col10551/1.1
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